If you feel like it...

...you can post what's making you sad here to get it out and so everyone else may try to make you feel better.

for me the first thing is that i only recently found out that, if not treated, graves disease could eventually kill me. and here i've had it for almost 6 months, and i've been treating it. but the doctor said i'm not allowed to look for or hold a job or go to school until i'm all better because stress could make it worse. it's not that bad not having to do either of those things, but i really want to get a job and take some classes. i wanna get out and hang out with my friends. but because i get sick easily, it doesn't work very well. like just last week i had HappyNya over for about 3 days and 2 nights (sleepovers rock!) and we went out with our friend for lunch on like Thursday. today is tuesday and i'm still getting over the effects of just a little "stress" on me. >.> it sucks, and i'm normally a pretty sociable person. i like doing stuff and hanging out with friends. i just hope i get over this soon. lol

wow...rant much? lulz, i was just trying to give a short example...pffff XD ah well.

if you feel like it you can rant about your problems here, or rant about all the people who are jerks. and just know, that no one here will judge you.

well, loves to you all!
Panda-Chan

that's sweet chelle neechan, thank you. And you'll always have me for sure. You're my onee-chan, my big sister and bff!

Yeah, sometimes it's hard to live with graves, especially when they up my meds. It just sort gets to b too much sometimes and I lose it, srsly lose it for a while. Like recently I talked myself into this little black box of so called "reality" like inside the box was all that was real, everything outside of this box was not true reality. I got hysterical and went momentarily insane, I don't wanna go there again. I was so scared the whole time, I couldn't stop crying it was so bad. It's part of the reason I created this place, to make sure no one else has to go through that.

But the main thing that started my mind in this club direction was that conversation we had neechan. For the people who don't really have people to love and support them. My wish is for everyone to have a family, a system of friends for support when times get tough. Because no one needs to experience that black box.

and this is one place you can start being your true self, right neechan?

like i said before, you won't be judged here. just be yourself. or, if you don't know who you are yet, like me (i guess you could say i'm kinda like a mirror, i don't really know WHO I AM, so i'm here to find out), you kind find yourself here.

at least that is my hope.

loves,
Panda-Chan

*hugs the bunny *

ya know, i feel a bit better now ^^

it's amazing how much something as simple as a hug can make you feel. it makes you feel warm and loved. it's kinda like petting a cat they adore the attention you give them when you pet them. they love it and they stay loyal to you because of that.



NekoPanda-Chan OUT

*hugs manda panda* Its all good panda manda i know what its like to live with a disease that makes you sick all the time all too well. It sucks to not be able to go to your full potential and it hurts like hell when your disease is at its worse. Then wehn you have that feeling inside that you're not got enough or trash it hurts. I hate feeling that way just the fact that i have noone in my life right now to call my own to say i love you to or anything to that matter. Well i did and it was long distance and i was so damn happy she was the perfect girl for me i can't think of anyone else that would be. Then i figured out in April that she got blood cancer and died. If she was still here it would be a whole year that we knew each other.I just lost it and couldn't feel anything worse i was in a study hall i just kinda didn't know what to do. I didn't cry i couldn't feel anything. It was just a smack to me.... I miss her every day and wish that it wasn't true that she was gone but i just have to accept it.... I hate being alone it makes me feel good that i have so many friends who care but sometimes I feel so bad that it's like nothing matters anymore that it's just a waste of time to do anythying that i should just give up. Then the thoughts of self brutality insue because i feel like none of it will matter in the end because noone would want a sickly horrid ugly guy like me when they won't even try to get to know me personally they just look on outward apperances. I hope that this year is different I hope it gets better it just so far doesn't look like it will.

Oh manda panda in so sorry i hope you get better it makes me cry thinking about you dieing you know im here for you and i miss you ;-;

don't worry! i'm not willing to die ANYTIME soon. i've been fighting this thing for 6 months and i'll keep fighting it until i'm better!

and thanks, it's nice to know you care ^^

I'm glad to know you're being so strong about this manda panda. A strong spirit and good friends to support you is always good to have.

right ^^

feeling dispersed feeling let down all the way down where the demi god plays his evil tune. the feeling in the heart the feeling in the stomach the feeling in the mind all the same to me for its only filled with the pulsing misgivings of everyday life. the feeling of the mystic touching my soul means nothing to me for it does nothing but give hope and nothing more. I feel i want my end to be nigh but this won't happen unless i actually do. the thougth of my end being far away in the vast world of uncertaintys and how they will play my life cuts into my soul and making all the oppressed feelings bleed out and my soul lays there drained of life. all being disperesed all the feelings i cared about gone now all that remain are sorrow pain and envy.

Thank you Onaki i'm glad you were able to put something nice into how i express my pain anger and sadness into such wonderful words. as another one of my lymeric designs that i created in times back when. That is the true expression in my minds eye. Here is a poem for our magnificent mistakes created in my own horrid blunder.

The darkened abbess the raging folly the magnificent fopa all in wonder at the majesty of incompetence and imperfection. The darkened abbess the raging folly the magnificent fopa all in wonder at the majesty of incompetence and imperfection. Such beautiful manifestations help us realize who is human and who is not. The amazing quandary is that none is to be yet they strive to be inhuman. They want to be one who is not themselves striving to be the best of all. They know in this state of mind and body that they will get into the accepted and wonder. they know nothing of what is the real beauty of existence for that is our mistake of body. The mistake of body lets us know who we are in existence to be and eat and make and feed. We create imperfection we grow imperfection we live imperfection all in wonder of how to be unlike who we already are and were meant to be at birth. So strive you humans go forth to face the impossible but you are only striving away from who the paths you really are to make.Such beautiful manifestations help us realize who is human and who is not. The amazing quandary is that none is to be yet they strive to be inhuman. They want to be one who is not themselves striving to be the best of all. They know in this state of mind and body that they will get into the accepted and wonder. they know nothing of what is the real beauty of existence for that is our mistake of body. The mistake of body lets us know who we are in existence to be and eat and make and feed. We create imperfection we grow imperfection we live imperfection all in wonder of how to be unlike who we already are and were meant to be at birth. So strive you humans go forth to face the impossible but you are only striving away from who the paths you really are to make.

i do hope you feel better soon Lokeypanda!! Thyroids can be picky creatures

Zar-dus your poems are brimming with emotions. from reading them the visuals were endless and beautiful. have you ever pondered putting together a book of them? you have a wonderful gift with words.

I'm always here for you neechan! If you need ANYTHING you can always come to me or talk to me, you know that right? I may not always be able to help but you know I'll try right? And ehm do you still have the stuff we brought you last time? Or dddo you need anything?

Yeah Chelle we're always here to help you out in your time of need ^_^

I find Sociology is an easy way to sympathize with people or anyone for that matter because it views from everyones own personal view and if you check their status and who they are mixed with the social conflict and demand then you can be able to safely assume why they took such actions in the first place and possibly have a better appreciation or acceptence for why they did it.

Thank you Onaki for that wonder description of what my poetry is like Thats kind of what i was feeling i was feeling emotional and saddened at the same time was feeling poetic making as you say dark and twisted yet beautiful. I'm glad you can find someone to relate to and you give me someone to relate to knowing i'm not the only one who writes things to that extent. Its always wonderful to be able to have that kind of connection especially something that powerful. I love everyone on this site remember that No matter what NO MATTER WHAT! I am always your friend.

Heart broken heart asunder heart is burning broken apart like ash charcol all slashing down all coming down all is pain all is lame its coming to pass again no more o more its coming i can feel it when it comes it won't be pretty i must be strong when it happens i must get through it i must percervere ackhgkh no more i can't i don't want to holding back holding back holding back pain asunder it crashes down it hurts it glamors but no more in the mind they're gone they left me someone else replaced me now what am i? What was I? Who was I? I don't know anymore no more no moreno more no more no more no more no more no more no more no more no more no more no more no more